Illness Can Be Healing
This morning has felt different. The moment I woke I wanted to go for a walk. But a routine I have glued myself to held me back. The routine and the belief that I can only poop if I sit straight from rising and wait for my bowels to move. The routine and / or habit prevents spontaneity and stops trust flowing with my body.
I am aware that I have a fear of not being able to go to the bathroom. I know this is there from years of struggling with bowel motions and feeling a lot of physical pain. Even though that isn't the case anymore that fear and imprint has stuck around, because in some way illness can be a trauma and anything we go through during that time can lodge itself into our cells because of how vulnerable we are. Illness is when we are vulnerable, impressionable and susceptible not only to negative impacts but also to positive impacts. It's our thoughts that are embodied in those moments. Illness is really one of the most incredible embodiment tools. Embodiment that is either unconscious or conscious choice.
I know this sounds crazy but think about the last you were sick, what were your thoughts? Now think about how often you have thought in that way? I know two very distinct different times I was sick and the difference in thoughts those two moments held for me and the lasting impacts that they have both rippled throughout my life. In one of them my predominant emotion was fear. The thoughts that went with this were all fear based thoughts and "what if" on a negative energy. That fear still sits inside me, I can feel it and I still witness the thoughts almost daily. However, the last two times I went through illness I intentionally chose something different for myself. I chose to use it in a positive impactful way. I chose for that illness to HEAL an aspect of myself, and my god it DID. IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE.
A fear I had been living with for almost a decade was healed in a few hours with my intention. This was just on one occasion of becoming I'll. The next, which wasn't that long ago, I chose to love and nurture and trust myself. Choosing that while I wasn't well created a larger impact than me having chosen that for years preceding it.
It is pure magic being able to drop in and shift your being during such a suscebtibile time. This has taught me not to fear becoming unwell. I definitely know that some illness can be incredibly scary and during those moments it would take all of your consciousness to choose intention, but we always get to choose and those moments are some of our most powerful.
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