Connecting to My Body

My body is calling me, begging me to be in it, as you know from previous posts. I realise, in a more profound way, why. I've disassociated from it. I've cut off my emotional capacity to feel what's beneath and what lies within. I did this to protect myself, protect myself from the - what feels horrendous - trauma that awoke in the stored cells of my body's memory system. I DON'T want to feel what I suppressed all those years ago. I'm terrified to. And yet I've run out of the intellectual steps to do, because I know the only way to heal now, the only thing that's left for me to release and transmute, is to do the body work;

The shaking

The screaming

The dancing in emotion

The running

The boxing

The swimming to cleanse

The de armouring of my yoni's pressure points

The throwing

The batting

The meditative state of body connection

The singing of light language - a voice of my inner child's

The mirror work

The channeled writing

I have to face all of these things and be all that I never felt. Let myself embody the pain that my little girl felt. Let myself embody the pain that I feel now. I've been through this. I know what it feels like to have it rip through me, and I know what the release feels like once it has been felt. It took the intellectual steps of speaking to my family and now it's going to take the steps of diving into my belly. Where it all sits and stirs causing havoc.

It's time to clear the gunk. Time to face my shadow hurt. Time to free myself in the wind of feeling all of it.

Trauma takes two components; mind and body. Both are as important as each other. Neither can be ignored for very long, especially when the process has already begun on one side. For me, my intellectual mind always begins, so to understand. My body holds the last pieces of the puzzle, when I get the push that I can no longer ride out what I am disconnecting from. Because as much as I am disconnected, and my senses are dulled, my body is aching from the inside out. Literally. Everyday. For so long now. It's a huge emotional component. My physical and spiritual are directly intertwined. So my body, even disconnected screams louder than anything I can use to drown it out.

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